A tragedy happens, and your feed floods before the facts are even clear.

A headline breaks, and suddenly everyone's an expert.

Someone posts something tone-deaf, and instantly your blood boils.

A family member brings up that topic at dinner and your stomach drops.

We've all been there. That surge of pure reaction when the world feels like it's spinning out of control and you’re consumed by the desperate need to take back power, to make them understand.

Every cell in your body is screaming to respond. To correct them, to call them out, to make sure they know exactly how wrong they are.

And that's exactly where we're losing ourselves.

Keyboard courage has replaced real dialogue. Relationships are being destroyed over social media posts. Families are dividing at dinner tables. The choice between reacting and responding is defining everything- our relationships, our culture, our leadership. And right now, we're choosing wrong.

The problem isn't that we get triggered, it's what we do next. And what we're doing next is destroying us.

Instead of leading ourselves toward something better, we're being led by our worst impulses. We've handed over the reins to our emotions and forgotten that we actually have a choice in how we show up.

We think courage means never backing down, never hesitating, never letting anyone get the last word. That's not courage, that's just ego with a keyboard.

Real courage is found in the pause before the response.

So how do we take back our courage and our control?

The Space Between Stimulus and Response

Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist, wrote: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

That space is where self-leadership lives. Neuroscience tells us that when we're triggered, the amygdala (our brain's alarm system) fires first, flooding us with emotion. The prefrontal cortex (our brain's logic center) is a little slower to catch up. This is the part that pauses, reflects, and chooses, and that is where our real power lives. That's where we get to decide who we are and what we stand for, regardless of what someone else has said or done.

We've forgotten how to use that space. Instead, we've become a culture of reactors, not responders. Someone posts something we disagree with, and we immediately fire back. Someone expresses a viewpoint that challenges ours, and we attack their character instead of engaging with their perspective.

Reaction is fast, emotional, and often destructive. Response is intentional, grounded in our values, and focused on what we want to create.

The real question isn’t just what we say, but where we’re speaking from: are we reacting from emotion, or responding with intention?

The Real Leadership Challenge

"The hardest person to lead is yourself." ~John Maxwell

Never has that been more evident than in these most recent weeks.

It's easy to point fingers. It's easy to blame "them" for the state of the world. It's easy to get caught up in the outrage and let our emotions drive our actions.

What's hard is taking responsibility for our own reactions.

What's hard is admitting that while we can't control what others say or do, we can absolutely control how we respond and how we show up.

We can choose to be part of the solution instead of adding fuel to the fire.

The Cost of Keyboard Courage

"People are hard to hate close up. Move in." —Brené Brown

Social media has made it easier than ever to hate from a distance. Behind screens and avatars, we've lost the humanity of the people we're talking to and about.

We've turned complex human beings with full lives and stories into abstract enemies we can attack without consequence. We judge based on 30-second clips and soundbites, rarely taking into consideration that we have no idea what the full story actually is.

Here's what I know: The way we show up online is a reflection of our character, not theirs.

When we choose to attack instead of engage, that says everything about who we're choosing to be and nothing about them.

Real courage isn't hiding behind a keyboard. Real courage is moving closer to the conversation, even when it's uncomfortable. Even when we disagree. Even when we're angry.

Anger as a Compass, Not a Weapon

And while we’re here, let's talk about anger for a minute, because I know some of you are feeling it. I feel it too.

Anger isn't the enemy. It's information.

It's our emotions telling us that something we value has been threatened or that a boundary has been crossed. Anger is often a protective emotion, masking more vulnerable feelings like sadness, fear, or disappointment. It’s an invitation to go deeper.

Reacting from anger rarely solves anything because we're reacting from the surface, not responding from the source. The question isn't whether you should feel angry. The questions are:

What is this anger trying to tell me? And what am I going to do with it?

You can use anger as a weapon, to attack, blame, and destroy. Or you can use it as a compass, to understand what you truly care about and respond in a way that creates positive change.

Self-leadership is learning to sit with the discomfort of anger long enough to understand what it's really telling you. Then choosing a response that aligns with your values, not just your emotions.

The Responsibility Shift

"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." ~ Buddha

Here's where I'm going to challenge you: Stop making other people responsible for your reactions.

The moment you make someone else responsible for your behavior, you've given away your power. Blame is simply a way of discharging your own pain and discomfort, but it's a dead end.

It might feel satisfying in the moment, but it doesn’t accomplish the goal. It doesn't heal the anger or create change. It just keeps us trapped in victim mode, perpetuating the cycle of anger.

You, and you alone, are responsible for your actions.

Leading Yourself First

Pause before you post. Take a breath. Ask yourself: "What am I trying to create here?" When in doubt, give yourself a beat before you decide. The internet will still be there after you take some time to reflect.

Question your assumptions. That person you're about to attack— what might their story be? What experiences shaped their perspective? Everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about.

Choose your battles. Mark Manson's book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" is one of the greatest literary gifts of our time. To summarize, it's not actually about not giving a fuck, it's about discerning what fucks you do give, and saving your fucks for things that really matter. Not every wrong opinion needs your correction. Not every inflammatory post deserves your response. What would happen if you simply scrolled past the post and chose not to engage? Or even more radical, you unfollowed them? You are responsible for what you allow into your environment.

Focus on your circle of influence. You can't control the world, but you can absolutely transform your corner of it. Here's what we all need to accept: we have zero control over anyone else— not their words, not their actions. The only thing you truly govern is yourself. And that's not a limitation, it's liberation! Stop exhausting yourself trying to control the uncontrollable and start leading the one person you actually have authority over— you.

Model the behavior you want to see. Become what it is that you want to create in the world. Leadership is contagious. When you show up with integrity and humanity, you give others permission to do the same. Be the leader you wish the world had more of.

The Courage to Respond

Courage isn't found in the reaction. It's found in the pause before the response.

Embrace the opportunities to respond. They challenge us to think deeper, gain clarity, and communicate our complex thoughts and emotions- our humanity.

Responding takes tremendous courage, but make no mistake, courage isn't about who can yell the loudest.

Courage is about who can stay human in an inhuman moment.

Courage is about who can choose love when everyone around them is choosing fear.

Courage is about who can lead themselves so well that they inspire others to do the same.

In these difficult recent weeks, I've seen the worst of us, and I've also witnessed something else. I've seen incredible acts of leadership from people who chose to pause instead of pounce. Who held space for hard conversations and demonstrated empathy even when they disagreed. Who chose to respond with their values instead of their emotions.

And you know what? Their response was contagious. It was inspiring. It rippled out and influenced everyone around them. It reminded me that change is possible, but it starts with the person in the mirror.

We can get off this emotional roller coaster. We can choose to be part of the healing instead of the hurting. We can remember that real leadership begins with leading ourselves.

The world is watching. How will you choose to respond?