This is part of a series I’m calling The Seat I Chose—a reflection on the decisions, standards, and moments that have shaped how I lead today. In my first piece, I wrote about choosing your seat and the role alignment plays in building a meaningful career. This reflection explores what happens when you're responsible for creating that opportunity for someone else. 

If you’re leading a team right now, there’s a good chance you have someone who stands out. She raises her hand before you ask, takes on more than what’s assigned, and is already thinking about what’s next while still delivering on what’s in front of her. She’s engaged, driven, and deeply invested in the work—not because she has to be, but because she wants to be.

The truth is, this might present its own unique challenges for you. She’s not difficult per se, but she’s a lot. You may have even used the word ambitious in describing her, and depending on how you’ve said it, that word can either build her or slowly start to break her down.

Research consistently shows that women’s ambition is perceived differently than men’s, especially as they move into leadership. According to Harvard Business Review, women who demonstrate assertiveness and drive are more likely to be labeled negatively, while men exhibiting the same behaviors are seen as strong leaders.

I know this, I’ve felt this. Because I was her. And here’s what most leaders get wrong.

When it comes to talent and high performers, managing over leading carries a cost far greater than a missed promotion or a difficult conversation. 

For most of my life, I was told I had “so much potential.” It was always framed as a compliment, but no one ever explained what to do with it. 

So I did what many high-performing young professionals do- I chased it. I worked harder, said yes more often than I should have, took on more responsibility, and tried to prove that whatever people saw in me was real.

Somewhere along the way, the language shifted. I was no longer “full of potential.” I was ambitious, and not in a way that felt encouraging, but in a way that made me aware I had crossed a line I didn’t even know existed.

From a leadership perspective, this is where things can start to break down. 

What you are witnessing is not a problem to solve- it’s potential in motion. But when ambition isn’t understood, it gets managed instead of developed, and when that happens, you don’t just slow someone down, you change how they see themselves.

What many leaders don’t see is everything sitting behind that ambition. They don’t see the internal pressure to prove you belong, even when you’ve already earned your place, or the imposter syndrome that coexists alongside performance. Studies show this is more common than most leaders realize. A report by KPMG found that 75% of women in executive roles have experienced imposter syndrome at some point in their careers.

They don’t see the personal realities that continue to move forward regardless of what’s happening professionally.

In my own career, I’ve navigated seasons where I was building professionally while carrying significant personal weight becoming a mother, managing major life transitions, and showing up in leadership roles while still working through things that never make it into a meeting agenda. And still, I showed up. I led, I performed, and I built.

So when that level of effort is reduced to a label like “too ambitious”, it doesn’t just miss the mark, it dismisses the reality of what is actually driving that person. Because for many of us, ambition isn’t about recognition; it’s about impact, growth, and becoming who we know we’re capable of being.

As a leader, your responsibility is not to contain that ambition, but to understand it- and leverage it. 

When you don’t, she will begin to question herself, wondering if she’s doing too much, if she needs to pull back, or if the very thing that has made her successful is now the thing holding her back. 

When that happens, one of two things will follow: she will shrink, or she will leave. And more often than not, she leaves. 

According to McKinsey & Company and LeanIn.Org’s Women in the Workplace report, one in three women are considering downshifting or leaving their roles, citing lack of support, recognition, and growth as primary drivers.

Strong leaders create a third outcome. They recognize that ambition is not something to reduce, it’s something to refine. Instead of asking how to slow her down, they ask where she’s trying to go. Instead of assuming intent, they create space for conversation. Instead of treating ambition as a disruption, they treat it as direction. Most importantly, they make it clear through their actions that she doesn’t need to be less, but rather she needs to be led well.

As Brené Brown puts it, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” 

The strongest leaders don’t avoid ambition; they mentor and develop it. Because they know this is where their impact and legacy lies.

I didn’t fully understand the impact of leadership until I experienced both sides of it. 

I’ve worked for leaders who saw my drive and invested in it, challenged me, developed me, and gave me opportunities that stretched me beyond what I thought I was ready for. Those were the environments where I grew the most, where my ambition evolved into leadership.

I’ve also been in environments where that same drive was questioned, where I felt like I needed to adjust myself to fit the room instead of being developed within it. 

The difference between those experiences is what has shaped how I lead today. Today, I strive to be a leader who builds people, instead of losing them.

If you want to be a strong leader, the kind who builds people, it requires a shift. 

It requires you to become more curious than cautious, to dig deep into motivations and goals as well as limiting beliefs, to assess strengths and opportunities, and strategically align talent with the needs of the organization.

It requires you to lean into ambition, so you can direct it instead of reduce it.

I can tell you from experience that when ambition is seen, supported, and challenged in the right way, it creates leaders who will carry your organization further than you could on your own. When it is dismissed or misunderstood, it creates distance, and over time, that distance becomes disengagement and a talent shortage that can cripple an organization.

So if you are leading someone right now who feels like “a lot,” I would challenge you to look at him or her in a new way. 

They might not be asking for attention; they might be asking for growth. And whether they grow within your organization or somewhere else depends on you, and how you choose to lead.